When, if not at the end of December, to remember what happened over the past 365 days? In 2020 a cute New Year’s tradition can be a source of sadness – whatever one may say, we spent almost the entire year on a pandemic.
But even in such difficult conditions, you can try to remember something good and praise yourself for your successes, even if now they do not seem so to you.
Don’t pay too much attention to other people’s year results
Maybe you have already seen posts of friends or acquaintances on social networks about how they did not waste time on self-isolation: someone started learning a foreign language, someone mastered the skill of yoga, the third learned the basics of cooking.
I am glad that someone’s life in a difficult time was able to get better, but at the same time such publications can frustrate us – and settle in our heads with an annoying question: why did not I have time for all the same?
When we see the results of other people, we automatically begin to compare ourselves with them and, as a rule, not in our favor. It `s naturally.
And it’s not that you are too “lazy”: laziness in the case of lack of motivation or anything else is so-so explanation.
And the fact is that most of us are hostages of the culture of “achievement”: if you have a free minute, it’s supposedly you cannot spend it on doing nothing, but you must definitely let it go on self-development.
Eternal competition may indicate low self-esteem, and endless competition that exists exclusively in our minds leads to anxiety. It seems that this is not at all what you need on the eve of the holiday.
Put good first
Looking back at 2020, many of us will have a hard time remembering anything good: it seems like the past twelve months have been surrounded by bad news. But in reality, things may not be so sad.
Have you quit your unloved job, read a book that was put off for a long time, or, say, started watching interesting TV shows? Or did they just do something that they wanted for a long time, but could not approach it?
When summing up the year, focus on the good things that happened to you – these may be small things, but they are also important.
To see the good even in routine, psychologists advise practicing every day, and New Years can be a great start to this mindfulness practice.
You can’t reset overnight and start seeing only good things. One must invest in this skill every day. At the end of the day, it’s a good idea to name or write down three good things that happened to you that day.
In group psychotherapy, there is such a task: one person names one of his experiences or one of his pains, and the next must find something good in this and positively reformulate. That’s what it’s called: a positive reformulation task.
Feel free to praise yourself
The next step is to praise yourself for what you did this year. This can be difficult, because we are used to criticizing ourselves for almost any little thing – not to mention some more important events.
However, praise is still better than criticism: this rule works for our words, both to other people and to ourselves.
Psychologists say that it is better to praise yourself with specific examples: remember the problem you solved – and do not blame your success on external factors (“Oh, that was easy” or “Well, anyone could have done this” are classic examples of how do not need to).
Separately, it is worth mentioning in the list of results those moments when you were at the limit of your capabilities – and still coped. You are strong, smart and creative – and do not let other people or external circumstances influence this knowledge of you.
Praising yourself correctly can be as good as praising other people – and this can be done not only on New Year’s Eve. You can praise yourself not only for global achievements, but also for little things. “Washed the dishes? Clever, well done. Dust? Super! Closed two cases out of ten – excellent.
Every action should be accompanied by praise, and you will not be able to spoil yourself with this. We usually under-praise ourselves, not over-praise.
In addition, you can reward yourself not only with words, but also with something that is of value to you. These can be pleasurable activities or things that bring joy.
Another great practice is to build a community around you where it’s okay to ask for praise. At first it seems like something artificial, and then it becomes a habit. When we regularly hear praise from the outside, it gradually gets inside – and we begin to apply it to ourselves.
Don’t focus on the bad
Of course, our lives – especially in 2020 – are rife with events that can get upset. But is it worth focusing on them and making them a year-end result?
Most likely, you won’t be able not to think about the negative, but you don’t need to immerse yourself in it with your head either. It is possible and even necessary to contact something sad from time to time. It is strange to live in a world in which everything is pink and beautiful.
It is really important not to drown yourself in negative thoughts, because in such a situation it is impossible to find a solution. Focusing on a problem, we completely forget about its solution, understanding.
It’s great to be able not to erase the negative part of life, but to quickly switch – this is how we give ourselves the opportunity to feel sad and get out of this state in order to think constructively about what happened. It’s great to be able to comprehend the situation at different levels.
Don’t berate yourself for last year’s promises you didn’t keep
According to Forbes, less than a quarter of all people keep their promises after just thirty days, and only eight percent keep their word for a long time.
The conclusion is simple: of course, it is good to plan for changes for the better – but you should always think about how necessary and important they are for you. And don’t berate yourself for not doing them or for not doing them right away: this is a normal part of the process.
Any practice can be used to your detriment, even the most useful. Of course, it is interesting to compare what you planned and what turned out in the end. But here it is important not to immerse yourself in thoughts like “oh my God, I didn’t cope with anything or didn’t cope with it, it didn’t work for me”.
If you are prone to such manifestations, then it is probably not worth analyzing last year’s promises. If this like research for you – or you are curious about what thoughts you entered into the last New Year, what was important for you – it’s great to compare what you wanted then and what you want now.
Also, you might wonder why you didn’t achieve specific goals – maybe because they aren’t really yours and you don’t want them?
Say thank the people who helped you
In the New Year’s results, it would be great to remember all the people who helped you, supported and were there when you needed help.
Not all of us have the opportunity to give something, but a beautiful postcard with nice words or even a warm message on social networks will be a great sign of attention.
The congratulation looks like a duty if it is actually a duty. If you feel the urge to say or do something nice and it is genuinely sincere, it will not be read as being on duty.
Consider the publicity of your results
Finally, it’s worth considering whether you want to publish your year-end results – or leave them as a letter to yourself.
In the first case, you can count on the reaction of others, which can also become significant support. In the second, the very fact that thoughts appear on paper can be an important part of the work of rethinking.
The meaning of this letter is that you seem to hear your text from the outside and become your own therapist. You can change the positions of the observer and participant.
By writing down thoughts, you seem to already recognize or manifest some things: until they have a form, these considerations do not exist in a sense.
When you name something, it begins to exist in your world.